Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize