Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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