wanna go halves on a baby?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't deserve a penis
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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