Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
