I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
