I wish I could punch you in the face.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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