I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
