How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
