that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
