I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
