Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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