I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
