That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
