I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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