The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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