we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize