This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
