Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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