There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize