Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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