are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
