Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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