So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
