I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
