how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize