people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
