I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
