Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
