we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
