Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
