It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
even my farts smell like vagina
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Bring me that man meat
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
