Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
