and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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