I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
tonight lets celebrate not being married
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
