new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
