so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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