If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
me + whiskey = a bad person
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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