theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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