i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
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