I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
