I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
