your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I am midnight drunk by noon
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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