he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
