Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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