fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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