At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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