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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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