tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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