we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
