He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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