i love accidental penises.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
