i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
