I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
