I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
