I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
