New game: find the sober person in Tbell
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
