Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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