Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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