i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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