U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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