Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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