my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize