I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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