Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
