She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize