If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So squirting runs in the family.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize