New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
