Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
