I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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