i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
